How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
