it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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