The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
