threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
