you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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