so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
