a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
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