Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
