At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
