Plan B is the new Plan A
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
