I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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