I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
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he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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