She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What a dumb baby whore.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
