oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
