Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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