It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
