i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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