sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
