Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
