i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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