When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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