the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
