the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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