Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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