Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
