can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
