party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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