hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
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"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
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I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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