Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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