this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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