Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
