Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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