a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
