I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
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It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
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I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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