it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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