I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I would ride that face into the sunset
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
