the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
