Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
