Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
