I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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