shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
