Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
