you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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