I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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