Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
