OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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