I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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