you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
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I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize