my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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