I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
