sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
