direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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