I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
