She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
