you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
