this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
