you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
