Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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