ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
