Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
