last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
pop tarts are not kleenex
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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