he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
