He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
