Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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