If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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