im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
