I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
