Where are you?
In a non slutty way
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
