What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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