well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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