ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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